Hi Marcus
That is exactly what I did.I did'nt marry Wu Ming until after a year after I met her.I visited her on numerous occasions during that year and found out that we were both on the same wave length.I had met the right one.The age difference did'nt bother her or me.We were happy together as Graham can verify as we meet up quite often in Nanning.
She had'nt joined a dating agency as nor did I.We met by chance.(Long Story)so no monies were involved.we were one of the lucky ones.
Dave And Wu Ming

Hi Dave

I think the fact that your lady was prepared to get to know you would have help you be confident that you were on to a genuine, mature lady. It is good to hear that people are doing it this way. Thanks for sharing this.

Marcus

Hi Marcus
You have to get to know each other otherwise it could cost you a lot of money.
This goes for most things in life I think.
I will be in Nanning 29th June until 31st Sept.(64 days) so if anybody about it would be good to meet you.
Dave and Wu Ming

Glad of the chance to air my views but i often keep quite,the reason is simple,we have some very good expats who live in Nanning and who are a mine of information,so i don't want to upset them,yes i have seen and talked to some ( men ) in Nanning who are after only one thing,but i also understand why some women listen and do what those said men suggest.
I am no angel so what goes on between them is up to them,but they might be bringing a Thailand exerience to a nice area of China.
As for grammer schools,i'm as thick as two short planks so my english grammer is rubbish,i write as i speak and hopefully people understand me,the way i look at things i'm at the bottom of the pile and if i move everybody falls down,but without me being there,who is going to hold everybody up

Hi Dave

I totally agree that it could cost you lots of money if you do not know the lady. After hearing of your expereince I can see that there are some ladies who want to do it the wise way. So many just want to get married on the first or second visit. I have only had experience with one lady and that was her 'demand'. In the end it frightened the life out of me. She seemed to think she was getting older and had limited time to set herself up for her future life. My view is that if you are older it is even more important that you get it right as there is less time to get over a failed marriage and establish oneself again.

For myself I can not bear the thought of losing half my money and starting all over again let aone being put in the drivers seat by the Child Support Agency to pay Child Support for a child that you brought into the country with his or her mother even though the child has moved on with his or her mother.

They say good relationships are based on trust, honesty and respect and as we know trust has to be earned and that takes time.

I do wonder why many of the Chinese ladies are so keen to make the marriage happen so quickly and do not seem to be in favour a getting to know a man before they decide. I would think it would be to their advantage as no doubt things could go bad for them if the select the wrong man and go to his country with him.

Anyway it is all interesting.

Marcus

Too True Graham
Although we warn men to be a little wary and don't run before they can walk with regards to forming a longterm/lasting relationship, i some times think that we forget the giant leap of faith/trust these ladies take !!!

Graham and any others who agree with you.
I respectfully disagree with you that the risk is greater for the woman. In the majority if not all cases the woman brings nothing to the table. The man brings a bonanza. If the woman leaves for another country and lives there for a time there are benefits she will bring back if she leaves. I'll not go into in detail as it would take volumes. Look at the RN website to see most of the men are supporting not only their SO [married or not] but the family as well. The men have accepted that they must continue to support the family when they take their SO away. I have read that they are poor, that may be true BUT by what standard?? I can only speak for the US and yes they are poor. My wife's family lives well in Beijing, not by my standards. My wife and I do not send money to her family and no one their cries poverty like they do in Nanning. Prices have gone up and will continue to do so, that's progress. It happened in Japan & Korea and will in China and India. It's only a matter of time.

Hi Graham

I was thinking of the scenario where a man brought his new wife to Australia. It would be possible that after some time she could divorce him, get a large share of his assets and ask him for Child Support via the Child Suport Agency. She could then return to China and live well even if the is only living on the child support as child support is 18% of gross wage less $10,000 for one child.

If she stayed in Australia she could still do well. She could find another man or live on the Single Mother's Benefit or work. I also think that if she married you and never left China and wanted to divorce you she would be able to get a reasonable sum of money from you as a settlement. I am sure that a sharp lawyer would help her approach the Family Court in Australia and put a claim against you. The court would probably find it a novel and fun experience to rip some money off an Australin chap and send it overseas. I have no doubt that the Child Support Industry (oops I mean Agency) would revel or even salivate at the thought of biting large lumps of monetary meat off an Australian man to help this poor Chinese woman who is so vulnerable in this foreign land. I see that a difficult woman would not be so vulnerable. Of course many decent women would be as they would not think vindictively or aggressively.

My cousin who lived with her husband in Vietnam for three years told me this. She said that the Austalian Embassy received an email a week from an Australian man asking the embassy to warn other Australian men of the women they had just cleaned him out. My cousin said that many of the women married an Australian, came to Australia, had two children with the Austraian man, divorced him, got the lion's share of the property settlement because she had two children and no great income, she then goes back to Vietnam leaving the children with him and then she begins the process again.

I htink that thewomen have a lot of power. It depends on the individual as to how they use it.

Marcus

In Scotland when you divorce; the spouse is allowed half of the wealth accumulated SINCE the marriage. None of what was owned before the marriage!
If the wife does not stay in the UK for 2 years with her husband she will not be allowed to get permanent leave to remain so must return to China.
If you have a child then it is only fair that you should support that child until they are an adult regardless of where it is brought up.
Often the Chinese woman is leaving a relatively well paid and secure job in China to get married and move to another country where she has to take a low paid and menial job because of her lack of English. If she does decide to leave her husband and return to China there is no guarantee that she would be able to get her job back after a prolonged absence because the job would have been filled so she is taking a considerable risk in getting married to a foreigner and leaving China.
Mothers in the UK are finding it is very difficult to enforce Child Support agreements on the father who is living in the UK so I think it would be almost impossible to enforce any Child Support or Divorce settlement awarded by a Chinese Court if the father was living in another country!!!
David

Evening Guys + Gals

Phew!!! what a topic, made the old hackles rise a few times but I have to say that there are a few good point's that the members have put forward. Personally I have experienced all of the above mentioned topics with regards to "meeting the lady of my dreams" and have taken it all with a pinch of salt. There are the one's that are just looking for a ticket to freedom and the agency hackers that if you look close enough at the profiles within the agencies you will begin to see the similarities. luckily for myself after 6 month's of emailing and IM chats I think the I have weeded out the plot and have been left with the genuine flower's (hopefully). With regards to marrying women of a younger age or from another country I don't think it makes a lot of difference either way so long as both parties are genuine in there affection for each other and that neither is using the other. Some of the members are right there are a lot of people out there scheming and plotting for the next gullible mug to walk into the city. So it is a case of look before you leap and you may not get hurt. As for a business idea I am thinking of starting a private investigation unit, any volunteers??? that would go nicely with Frank's idea and then both side's could be verified as trustworthy individuals. Just a thought but it would help some people from being mugged. As for my previous marriage's the first was to a scottish girl, love at first sight then divorced 2 years later, 2nd marriage was the same but lasted for 5 years and she was 15 years junior. At the moment this is the longest I have ever spoken to anyone without getting to serious. Maybe the old adage goes "twice bitten thrice shy" but I am sure it will work out in the end. I am to long in the tooth now to worry about it. Keep up the good work it makes interesting reading.

Regards

Dale